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I'm just insane... [Jul. 5th, 2004|02:59 am]
I’ve had enough and, I’ve decided to write this. I’m stupid which you must already know ‘Cause you totally take advantage of it. But, I am still a human And, Everything you have ever done to me has finally caught up with me.

You’re a fucking bastard which YOU already know ‘Cause once again it’s something YOU take advantage of. You treat people (Me) like fucking shit… One’s who never in they’re life did a god damn thing to you (Once again me) . All I did was love you And, You have to make me feel like shit and be a fucking cock sucker to me.

Yeah, I’m stupid.. All those times you where mean to me I kept coming back. I kept calling. I’d be mad for a while And, Eventually get over it and call you. I’d break down and just wanna talk to you. THEN you’d be mean to me some more and the whole cycle would repeat it’s self. But, That’s me being stupid. That’s me thinking he can change… But, you’ll never change cause you’re a selfish Son of a bitch who has everything handed to him.

I bet your laughing now. But, if you wanna think about it you do. You DIDN’T Buy your car. John did. You told me that a thousand times. You don’t pay rent And, Something inside me thinks your bullshitting me when you say you’ve got your own place. I DON’T BELIEVE YOU. I can’t you’ve lied to me too many times. And I’m SUCH a big loser cause I don’t have a car… Cause I don’t have a G.E.D Well, Fuck you!! Maybe I would if I was given everything And, If I had faith in myself. But, I don’t because of people like YOU always putting me down.

You never loved me. And, If you did you had an extremely fucked up way of showing it. I loved with with everything I had. The sad truth is I probably always will. But, I also hate you. Sometimes I wish I would have never met you. But, Other times I think I’m greatful to you in some weird way. Cause I learned a lesson. But, I still hurt… I hurt everyday.. there are some days I miss you so bad. Some guy walks by with your cologne on Or, A green car drives Or, A song comes on….. That’s the worst. But, Memories are what I’ll keep Because you will not treat me like shit. I’d rather never see you again then feel like nobody after a three minute phone conversation with you.

So fuck you Mr Caldwell.. Fuck you And, I love you Good bye
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(no subject) [May. 22nd, 2004|10:52 am]
EIGHT bands you've been listening a lot to lately
1. Nickel Creek
2. 311
3. Norah Jones
4. Outkast
5. John Mayer
6. Brad Paisley
7.Queens onf the stone age
8.Aretha Franklin

FOUR things you look forward to
1. Christmas
2. When Gary gets home from work
3. Pay Checks
4. Kisses

EIGHT things you like to wear
1. Jeans
2. Converse
3. Mark Lip Gloss
4. My "S" Bag
5. Tank tops
6. Bands t-Shirts
7. Cute Undies
8. Argyle socks

FOUR things that annoy you
1. Ignorance
2. Bush
3. Drugs
4. Talking out of turn

FIVE things you say most days
1. For the love of god
2. Fuck me!
3. Go straght to hell
4. Currently
5. Fuck you

FIVE things you do everyday
1. sleep
2. wakeup
3. listen to music
4. Eat
5. Work

FIVE people you want to spend more time with
1. Gary
2. Missy
3. Emily (when I don't wanna kill her)
4. My Mom

FIVE movies you could watch over and over again
1. Harold and Maude
2. The rules of attraction
3. High fidelity
4. Gone with the wind
5. Some like it hot

TWO of your favorite songs at the moment
1. Heel over head-Puddle of mudd
2.Little moments like that- Brad Paisley

ONE person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. Mr Gary Edward Igo

1. name: Stephanie
2. single or taken: Taken
3. sex: girl
4. bday: July 22nd 1985
5. sign: Cancer
6. siblings: Emily
7. hair color: Brown
8. eye color: Green
9. shoe size: 10
10. height: 5'6"


1. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:Yes. Didn't we already cover that?
2. do you have a crush?: Maybe, Is that wrong?
3. did send this to your crush?: Uh no

1. where is your favorite place to shop: Target
2. any tattoos or piercings: tats? 2 tattoo's, 2 piercings.

1. do you do drugs?:Yea, The one's my doctors give me
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Pantiene
3. what are you most scared of?: Losing Gary
4. what are you listening to right now?: The neighbors music
5. who is the last person that called you?: Missy
6. where do you want to get married?: At this reserve in tipp city with a water fall
7. how many buddies are online right now?: like 1 or 2
8. what would you change about yourself?: My self-esteem problems

1. color: Green
2. food: Meat Loaf!!!!!
3. subjects in school: creative writing
4. animals: Kittys
5. sports: Kick Ball

1. given anyone a bath?: yes
2. smoked?: yes
3. bungee jumped?: no
4. made yourself throw up?: yes
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: God Yea
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yes
8. pictured your crush naked?: yes
9. actually seen your crush naked?: No
10. cried when someone died?: yes
11. lied: all the time :)
12. fallen for your best friend?: Yea
13. been rejected?: More times then not
14. rejected someone?: yes
15. used someone?: yes
16. done something you regret?: Yea. I regret certain things everyday

clothes:Tank and Boxers
music: Nothing
make-up: Mark stuff!
smell: Differs from day to day
favorite artist: Dunno. Alot of them
favorite group: This question is getting old
cd in player: John Mayer.
dvd in player: Not sure
color of toenails: Nothing
you touched: Gary
hugged: Gary or Missy
you imed: Um... Prolly that FAKE bitch Angela.. Or Alyssa...
you kissed: Gary
you yelled at: Allyssa.. She's 4 and likes to throw things


1. Studded belt : yes
2. Dyed black hair : No
3. Thick rimed glasses : No
4. Tight shirts/pants : Kinda
5. Gaudy belt buckle : No
6. Clothing bought from a thrift store : Hell Yea
7. Having hair with bangs longer than the rest : Actually kinda
8. Trucker hats : No
9. Messenger bag - No
10. Livejournal/Myspace/Friendster account - yes. all three.
11. Saucony/New Balance/Converse shoes : chucks
12. Mountain climbing key thingy - Uh no
13. X'd up mosh gloves - Like Karen O ? No
14. Scarf : Yea. Love them!
15. Referring to bands as acronym - nope
16. Vegan diet - nope
17. Vegetarian diet - Kinda
18. Food Not Bombs participation - What?
19. Straight edge - Yea for sure.. Can I get another *Cough* pack of marlboro lights. Hahahaha
20. Aspiring photographer - I've tried that. I'm actually quite good
21. Using adj from the late 80's/early 90's (i.e. rad, gnarly, rockin', etc.)
Not really
22. Pins/buttons : A couple
23. Plugs/body piercing - 1'2'' Plugs, Lip pierced
24. Vinyl collection - I have tons!
25. Moldy Peaches fan - Uh no
26. Liking metal seriously - yes
27. Liking metal core - some
28. Reading books over : yes
29. Riding a bike - I did that a couple days ago and almost feel off
30. Participating in "the mosh" -No
31. Tea aficionado -who?
32. Writing poetry - always
33. Attended 50 shows or more in a year - Who do I look like. Paris Hilton? I WORK thanks
34. Attending hellfest - No
35. Being in a band - no
36. Working at an windy record store/health food store - no
37. Clapping during mid paced part of a song - Yea
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(no subject) [Mar. 18th, 2004|08:18 pm]
I totally hold hand with my friends! Me and angela hold hands while she's driving and she sings to me. Is that odd? :) I hold Kellis hand and Michaels hand and Missys hand. I dunno it just felt right.

That rhonda chick can go to hell and take her stilletos and shove um :) Ur so totally cuter then her.

Ahh Ok Journal time.. I fell kinda bad. This totally cute guy that comes to the library all the time started talking to me. And, He was really nice So, We talked for like an hour And, He told me I was really nice looking and I was cool And, I thought Hey! we could be friends Well, He didn't know I had a boyfriend and when I told him he looked sad. I kinda feel bad now. It's either that or all the pizza and chocolate I've consumed is finally catching up with me Ughhh
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cry me a river [Mar. 17th, 2004|02:39 pm]
Thank so much Liss. You make everything alot better and I mean that. U want my $15.00 co-pay? U can be my therepist.

And I can honestly say I don't want anything from Mike. But theres a part of him that understands me better then anyone. I needed someone and he was TOO TIRED to come see me. That makes me realise what I mean to him. Which is not much. But, at the same time Gary isn't helping either. Your signifigant other is supposed to be someone you can depend on and cry to And gary definatly isn't.

He scared the piss outta me last night. He get's so fucking mad because the sheets will be all messed up when he goes to bed. He HAS to fix them. Well, I guess this is all my fault even though he sleeps til 3 and I'm long gone by then and he's the last one in the bed. But it's my fault. Well he got pissed last night and started yelling at me and punched the air conditioner and broke it. I keep wondering if he'll get mad and punch me. That WILL be the end. I can't deal with shit like that. But I started crying and he just rolled over and went to sleep. I honestly feel like he doesn't care.

Before that I came in and my back was killing me and he started making my back problem seem small compaired to everything that was wring with him. I was on my feet all day he was on his ass. His back CAN'T hurt more then mine But, Oh god! It does. and he get's mad when I say it's not a compatition. I never thought I'd see myself in this kind of situation. I warn other people to get out But, I can't.

I'm waiting for 6 tonight. WAiting to see if I feel like dying again. I don't like that feeling very much
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(no subject) [Mar. 16th, 2004|06:10 pm]
I now feel as though I should run in front of a car. I gotta quit writing this shit
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(no subject) [Mar. 16th, 2004|01:26 pm]
why am I so undecisive? I called Mike last night and asked him to come get me. I didn't feel good at all. I needed someone to talk to and feel like no one else wants to listen. I ended up getting off the phone and feeling like shit. I didn't feel guilty Because I know in my heart all I want him for is a friend. I have no interest in him romantically anymore. But, I was so sad. I was walking through the stacks and almsot started crying like 4 times. I gave it a while and everything was fine. Why does that happen? I told gary the otehr night that I feel like he doesn't care. That everyone else seems more important to him them me. He got mad and walked off and later said he was sorry and told me he loved me with all his heart and he didn't wanna lose me. But, nothing has changed. I've felt like cutting and I hate that so much. This therepist shit isn't helping either. Anybody wanna run away with me?
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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2004|01:32 pm]
People mope and cry and wine about the most insignifigant things...Only in America
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To Mary-Jane [Mar. 4th, 2004|01:29 pm]
[Current Mood |discontentdiscontent]
[Current Music |the verve-history]

Does it make your brain feel better then I do? Full of glitter ..Full of happy thoughts?

Does it touch you in a way I just can't manage to? Make you shiver? Make your dick hard?

Can it love you better then me? Coat you in some splenda sweetness?

Can it give to you what I can't give you? everything I have and all the shit you want?

I'm glad I'm not controlled by something but in a way I guess I am. With out me knowing it you control me Like I never knew you could. But you got something better.. Run to it you feel you should. It was more important I always knew it was.
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(no subject) [Feb. 25th, 2004|01:17 pm]
Does anybody else feel like they might not be able to take this library shit anymore? That people that work with you do shit and you ALWAYS get blammed for it? Am I the only one?
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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2004|01:29 pm]
Gary and I stayed up and talked until 6:30 this morning. I will marry that amn and have his babys. I'm sure of that now
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